I have been organizing my home office/ studio, as I have been doing more things from home these days, and came across a painting I did about a year ago within one of our groups. The directive for the painting was Loss- paint what loss feels like and looks like. This is the same directive we did last week during our monthly Womb Warriors Creative Workshop.
I had actually forgotten about the first painting and when I found it, I was able to compare the two paintings and compare how my loss has developed, transformed and shifted over the last year. This is the magic of art. It is like a snapshot of my emotional state at that given moment.
The two paintings have some very obvious similarities but very different feelings. A year ago, my loss was big, but was also surrounded by hope. Hope for a baby to complete our little family. Hope that the energy and pain of fertility treatment would lead to our intention. Hope that my body would be able to successfully keep another pregnancy.
My painting from a week ago, shows no hope. It is much darker in color palette, and accurately depicts how I feel at the end of my journey. I am slowly accepting the closure of this chapter of my life and with that comes a lot of mixed emotions. A sense of emptiness but a sense of relief. These are things that I have been able to connect to and accept through my creative process.